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From a Distance
05.07.14
Close my eyes and I can see.
See a world where I am happy.
Breathing in and breathing out
With no reason to fight or shout
Acceptance here and acceptance there
For once everything in life is fair
Hard work pays off and everyone is equal
And we have brought down the wretched eagle
No hate or discrimination
No suicide or elimination.
We are one. We are unique.
Perfect and beautiful at our peak
Hand in hand we sing in unison
Where everyone is their own musician
We march to our own beat, and we don’t care,
And no one gets angered and no one glares.
One we are, happy we are
We all beat with the same heart
But then I open my eyes again
And my hopes ceases to ascend
Hope for humanity is lost
Wars over beliefs, but at what cost?
Kill your brother and your sister
And destroy those so-called free-thinkers.
Down with equal rights,
Just because you’re white
No one else deserves what you have been given.
Oh how the blood glistens
Same skull, same heart
But somehow race tears us apart.
Same femur, same brain,
But slaughter over religions that you find strange.
Same bones, same veins
But we destroy over opposing names.
This vendetta must end,
Or our society will continue to descend.
Singular
05.07.14
She puts me down with just a look.
It slams me shut like a book.
What can I say?
I am just this way.
It’s not like I have a choice.
In retribution, she squawks her voice.
No, I’m wrong, it’s always my fault
Her words sting like an open wound and salt.
I like to be alone, but I love friends.
I’m sorry that they never work out in the end.
I guess you’re right, it’s always my fault.
I’m the reason that friendships halt.
I’m ruthless, I’m cruel, and I am mean.
I’m sorry; I just want to be more than a machine.
Do this for her, that for him.
Is it wrong that my patience is running thin?
I want someone who cars as much as I do.
A loving person for me is overdue.
But it’s still my fault, I’m merely a loser
However, I never asked you to be my ruler.
Is it that bad to want someone else to try?
I’m always the one to try, but why?
I’ve lost hope, I’ve given up.
Is it so wrong that I’m going to erupt?
I give everyone my best, but they give me their worst.
If I did the same, these people would surely burst.
What if they knew the trouble I’ve been through?
What if they knew the pain I accrue?
What if they saw the scars on my leg?
What if they saw the anxiety in my head?
What if they saw me for who I really am?
They would gawk and run screaming: “Goddamn!”
There’s a reason I hide behind closed doors.
Because of the battles and the wars.
The Fight
05.06.14
The mirror is my enemy.
It points out what’s wrong with my anatomy.
Protruding hips and tiny slits
The image causes a desire to spit.
Who am I? I am you.
You are a Capulet, and I am a Montague.
Pale skin and far from thin
My fraternal twin.
Plain as day, clear as glass.
“There’s something you don’t seem to grasp.
No one wants you, you’re unloved.
It’s simple, dear, you’re not good enough.
Take the blade and make your exit
It’s better than failing at being anorexic.
It won’t hurt; it’s what you’ve been doing.
There’s a storm coming, and it’s brewing.”
I look at the scars and fat upon my body.
Maybe she’s right, I mean look how sloppy!
“Reach for the weapon, come on, you’ve got it!”
Don’t worry it’s only permanent.
There’s only one choice, I must act now.
I’d just live with her throughout life anyhow.
It’s easier to die, and escape the voice.
It’s the most reasonable choice.
Razor in hand, her by my side.
This is it, I can no longer hide.
I clench my fists in rage,
I cannot be forced into a cage!
I walk away, and I refuse.
I refuse to be removed!
You’ll have to try another day
Because you won’t get to me today.
Constant
Unknown
The white snow flutters softly to the ground;
The chilly air signals winter has come.
I stand on the street with no one around.
Oh, the lonely season has just begun.

The days are shorter; the nights are longer.
Why does this isolation never end?
It feels like the wind is getting stronger.
The frozen flakes continue to descend.

Suddenly, as soon as it came, it left.
The freezing temperatures melt away.
The winter was stolen, quite like a theft,
But the spring has come and is here to stay.

Although the winter was quite beautiful,
The springtime is a great deal more blissful.
Broken Hearts
Unknown
In the June before Senior year,
You were there, and I was here,
I remember what you told me on that faithful day.
You said that you loved me, and you wanted to stay.

But here I am, years later,
Wishing I could remember,
And now I’m begging you to stay
While you live miles away.
I can’t help it; I wish I could.
I can’t help it, but I knew this would.

I don’t love you anymore,
But I miss us at the record store.
These feelings I wish I could ignore.
I just love the idea of amour.
You were perfect, but so was I,
And now I’m wishing that I could die.

Lord, how I miss your endless bliss.
Now there’s no more glitter,
And my heart cannot jitter.
I don’t love you anymore
As I crumble to the floor,
I just want someone to open my door.

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Art-By-Stephanie
Stephanie
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
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Interests
i have a job
it's okay, but I dunno
i'm so socially awkward it's very difficult for me to talk to customers even though I'm outgoing????
When I'm not at work I am so violently bored that I don't know what to do with myself, so I eat and watch TV
I always wake up with the idea that today I'll eat healthy and exercise, but I don't have any motivation when I stand up.  I just get really bored and gain weight ugh.
And I can't eat healthy because when there's bad food in the house then I have to eat it
it's a compulsion. 
And since my mom is a huge dinner person dinner is always unhealthy and terrible (but so delicious) 
I'm just so tired
I'm always tired
I've been going to bed at like 9:30 because I don't know what else to do
I can't seem to focus on anything anymore and I'm always bored without motivation ugh
AND THERE IS NOTHING TO DO IN THIS SMALL LITTLE TOWN OH MY GOD
oh and I graduated two weeks agO????



it was stupid and boring 
they spelled my name wrong in the program
Stephanie LEANNE???? Cavanaugh 
curse u mr. mcconkey
i also got an honors certificate it's cool
AND MY DAD FORGOT MY GRADUATION BC HE THOUGHT IT WAS A WEEK EARLIER.
he still came but wowowow father of the year
also i hate him 
a lot
he uses me as a trophy to send pics of to his family to say 'hey look at this daughter that I have raised and she's great because of me.' which is bullshit bc he's done nothing in my life but hurt me
also if he doesn't pay for college lol I'm kicking him out of my life hella
my mom is happy about it but she asked me if I'd be okay without my dad walking me down the aisle and I said "hell yeah, I wouldn't have invited him anyways."  
I didn't even want him at my graduation ugh

Meanwhile
I choose my classes for college next week oh my god
I also meet my roomie <333
She's great. 
I can't wait for college

No but I'm also upset because mario cart wii no longer has wifi games?????
wtf is this bullshit my wii is worth negative three dollars now

i had a very weird dream where my english teacher made us eat butter and popcorn separately im very confused
i think there were zombies, an ap exam, and a lot of seniors
i wish i could remember it bc it was a gr8 dream

Lana Del Rey's new album tho <3333

im sorry im just so bored

OH OH OH OH OHHHH
I WENT TO A STYX/FOREIGNER/DON FELDER CONCERT
thank u based god it was amazing love love love 
shout out to lawrence sassiest-pianist-ever gowan, tommy cutest-hippie shaw & kelly man-whore hansen

one of the best best nights of my life I love love love lawrence sassiest-pianist-ever gowan and tommy cutest-hippie shaw and kelly man-whore hansen and of course don cute-old-timy-man felder they are such cuties ♡♡♡ btw that CD has real signatures omfgggg

we sat in the SIXTH ROW
OH MY GOD
domo arigato mr. roboto <33
domo
domo

um i'm still very bored plz send help

i went to the doctors and i had a new doctor and she was very nice and I told her more than I've told any doctor
i mean of course i didn't say "yes" when she asked if I cut, self-harmed, or contemplated suicide, but I told her I had been depressed before.
(lol my mom wasn't there that's why)
she said that depression is two weeks (or more) of less/more sleep, uninterested in things I used to like, and avoiding going out or talking to people I used to always talk with
is that me now?
I'm avoiding everyone I used to talk to on facebook because I don't feel like talking to them
I never talk to people first.
I'm sleeping far more than usual
and I don't go out much except for work
and i don't go out without make-up
and I'm too lazy to put it on without a long-term reason (four hour shift)
also everything bores me
i used to read but it's so hard for me now
i literally spent all day watching How I Met Your Mother and playing Candy Crush and when I got bored of that I read my workers manual
THAT BORED

it's driving me insane 
I haven't even looked at my poems in like two weeks 
nothing interests me anymore oh my god
like i wanna go out but I work everyday at inconvenient hours aka the afternoon
this is a part-time job too wtf

send help or inspiration thank u

hope you all are doing relatively well i'm okay
i wish I could sleep longer than 9 hours
or during the day
but ugh 
ugh

~Stephanie :rose:
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Ultraviolence
  • Reading: Paint It Black - Janet Fitch
  • Watching: How I Met Your Mother
  • Playing: The Sims 3
  • Eating: too much
  • Drinking: too much

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:iconphostructor:
Phostructor Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2014
I'm dropping a note to all my watchers:
Thank you for Looking and Liking.

Please check out the charity Humble Starlight Project in the next few days. If you like what you see you may want to pass the word to people you know,  and to people on dA. Here is the link:
humblestarlight.wordpress.com/…
Reply
:icontheradfoxen1985:
TheRadFoxen1985 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Bby :}D
Reply
:iconcobaltblue22:
CoBaLtBlUe22 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
Hi! So I haven't been on this website in AGES. I happened to come on for no reason at all today and I was looking through my old notes and noticed an old conversation between us! Apparently you also like Steve Perry. Some things don't change, I'm sure, if you're anything like me. So I clicked on your profile and I saw all your Lana stuff and FREAKED OUT. Lana del BAE. Then I saw you live in SC. I LIVE IN SC. Then I saw you were watching HIMYM in your journal, and HIMYM is my favorite show of all time and I have been watching it since 2005. I literally just finished the ninth season for the second time fifteen minutes ago. Bottom line: You are my long lost BFF. Hope you are well long lost BFF!!! :wave:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconf0xenbperry:
F0XENBPERRY Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Surprise! *looks below* Who's THAT imposter? ):C Hehehehe
Reply
:iconthe8osfox:
The8OsFox Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Found you! ):D And.. Oh! Hapy Birthday! *huggles*
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmoodyblue:
MoodyBlue Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Have a great Bday my lovely friend Stephanie! :clap:
Health and happiness to you! :rose: :hug:
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(1 Reply)
:iconmangaartsora:
MangaArtSora Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday, Stephanie! Huggle! 
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(1 Reply)
:iconibo007:
ibo007 Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope that your birthday is great, cause it is a good reason to celebrate. And for that I say:-
Happy Birthday!! Hope your day is filled with lots of love and laughter! May all your birthday wishes come true. Let this day be full of joy and celebration. I hope that today is the beginning of another wonderful year for you. Don’t look for a heaven in the sky. Make your own heaven right here.
Blowing out another candle should mean that you have lived another year with joy and you've made this world a better place. Make every day of your life and every candle count. Have a delightful birthday!
:):):):):):):):):):):):):);););););););););););););):D:D:D:D:D:D
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(1 Reply)
:iconaso-designer:
Aso-Designer Featured By Owner May 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! =)
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(1 Reply)
:iconemmasvarietyarts:
EmmasVarietyArts Featured By Owner May 9, 2014
happy b-day :3
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(1 Reply)
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